Sweet November

Poor little livejournal, you are being ignored. Since myspace, now facebook came along you are left all alone.

I want to keep you as you hold so many dear memories, but now my passion lies elsewhere.

:)

:(
I just missed my ex-year 12's band playing last night. Dammit I wanted to go.
Oh well, I'll just have to be a crazy stalker teacher another time :)

Looking back to 2002 journal entries I found this and decided to fill it in 4 years on...

I am not: normal (the same as 2002!)
I love: love
I hate: closed mindedness
I fear: being completely alone
I hope: I make a difference
I hear: soaring butterflies
I crave: existence
I regret: nothing
I cry: fuck I cry
I care: fuck I care! (i am emo with the ups as well as downs)
I always: try to find meaning
I believe: that the world can change
I feel alone: no i dont right now
I listen: to you
I hide: when i feel insecure
I sing: everything!
I dance: crazy happy
I write: words
I play: I wish i still had toys
I miss: every person's touch
I search: for love and happiness and good conversation
I learn: that learning never stops
I feel: so much
I know: that I do not know
I say: sorry too often
I succeed: at playing success down
I dream: constantly
I wonder: all the time
I want: life
I have: a burning desire to experience everything
I give: just ask
I fell: i got up i fell i got up i fell i got up....
I fight: for our rights
I need: freedom

The problem with checking your email every 2 hours is that you feel very unloved!

Four years of university are now over. wow.

I graduate on the 6th of December.

I need to write a whole bunch of letter but the creativity and sensitivity is not coming to me at this present moment.

Reminder to self: check flexi schools.

Went to Southbank today, is was luverly.

And Nellie is miaowing.

You scored as Paganism. Your beliefs are most closely aligned with those of paganism, Wicca, or a similar earth-based religion. You may also follow a Native American religion. </td> Paganism 92% agnosticism 75% Buddhism 67% Islam 63% Hinduism 54% Satanism 50% atheism 46% Judaism 33% Christianity 29% Which religion is the right one for you? (new version) created with QuizFarm.com

I feel so much! Yes I'm being all emo, but i just feel it so much. everything. everything. sometimes i think i'm bipolar, i mean it is hereditary.

"my" year 12s had their formal last night.
yesterday was my last day of school.

i will miss them.

Hehe, I've made a myspace account.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=107801047
yes its a fucking ridiculous link but i havnt chosen a name. Its also frustrating because i dont know how to change the layout etc. Little html knowledge can do that.

Anyways, I dont know what i'll do with it. Just thought it was cool to be able to upload videos and music.

1 1/2 weeks of school left. Quite sad really :(

Wow.

Talk about flashbacks. Doesn't life change so fast? How differnt it is now, compared to highschool, 5 years ago, 4, 3, 2, and even 1 year ago. Time goes by so quickly.

I am happy where I am. A little overwhelmed, sure, but happy about what I am doing. I love my kids, generally (that's my students not my OWN children:)), I like teaching, I love wearing a Free Tibet shirt to school when teaching about world conflicts. I love it when they call me a hippy. I love it when I can "instill my crazy left wing ideologies' in sublte ways. And dont worry, they'll be much more overt when I actually get a job of my own (if I get one!). I love my home life. Michael and I are at such a beautiful point. We do argue, but its stuff we're working on, and I think, mostly, is stuff that we will be able to comprimise and work out. The friends I have really interest me, I dont know if many of them I will stay in contact with, as I have learnt that from the past that even the coolest people you dont necessarily reamin close with.Its about who's close, who's available, who is able to change with you. There are a few exceptions, but they are exceptions.

I love our little house, I love 'our' cats. I dont even get too phased by the traffic.

Next year does worry me a bit, but I'm taking it as it comes. What worries me most is not being able to be myself. Hanging my hippy/punk/activist self up on the shelf for rainy days and the odd weekend, that's what worries me most.

What is going to be really hard, and what seems not too far but then again I could be totally wrong, is that someone I love so dearly will not be around forever. Of course, oone is around forever, but this person will, statistically at least, be around for a lot less. My parents are so, so dear to me. So dear, that whenever there is a chance of a breakup, becuase they have had their issues, I feel the whole world would crumble beneathe me. So dear, that it has only been this year that I have been able to voice these fears and allow myself to feel them. So dear, that now I realise, that whenever I cry about something I end up sobbing, because of this issue, because of this fear, becuase of this realisation, that he is getting old. My school friend once told me "he's so strong for his age, he still lifts the trampoline." Odd to pick a line like that, but it just characterises the way I've always felt, that although he was old he didnt' seem it and that he was much stronger than most. That's changing, and its the hardest thing to watch, to experience. A month ago, m aunty Ara was up in Brisbane and invited Michael and I out for dinner. We were talking about many issues and that mum will find it so hard because she doesnt really acknowledge it yet. Ara pressed this issue and I found myself crying in a restaurant and completely not caring that others could see. This comes from someone who used to pride themselves in being so tough, at least on the exterior. That has greatly changed, my sensitivity button and my empathy button have had some adjustments :). And I cant believe I'm writing all this, its the first time I've been able to write it, abiet crying. But now I've stopped so obviously the purge has helped in some way.

So I guess that's it. And all I wanted to say originally is that I am happy :)

School has been great! So fricken dificult and insane at first, but slowly it has gotten easier and i have come to love it! Yay, I like being a teacher! Anyway, thats all i have to say for now. school is life-encompassing :) oh and we have 2 adopted cats, theyre beautiful.

You are a Social Liberal (80% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (10% permissive) You are best described as a: Socialist Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Ciao! Im in Brissie now! yay. I start uni soon...not so yay...
Bren was here for a week, it was great seeing her, spending time together being weird, talking debating, laughing.

lots of stuff in my life going on right now, big decisions... maybe, it all depends. I hate being so vague but this is a public journal so vagueness it is!

Ive watched some really depressing movies lately, they've been good... but have done something shocking to my soul.

Ever feel like the life you are living isnt really yours? theyre not really your decisions, your choices?...

i want to swim in the bright blue pool with the fresh mountain water that is so chilling and invigorating, amidst the mountains, the trees, the flowers, the people, that i call home. I want to swim forever in that feeling of beauty and peace and drink it all in.

How did Australia get so fucked while I was away? Laws that are so undemocratic its a wonder we dont realise we are ruled by a dictator... I cant believe all the new "anti-terrorist" laws and that we cant publicly oppose our government, so if you want to hand out any "Howard is a rascist (or insert your favourite adjective here) bastard" fliers be careful as you could be arrested. Its already happened to a greeny that was teaching others a sit in, how to link up hands and the like... yup, sounds far too radical for my liking. And all the Industrial relations- sorry no more unions to protect your rights, oh dont worry you CAN still join them if you like, if you can actually find a union rep that has snuck into your workplace or if you dont mind getting fired because we really dont want people with rights in our workplace. And VSU! What a final and personal blow it was to find out that the things I found such a help at uni will now be non-existant... not just things that only a few use either, we are talking counsilors who can help you when you are depressed or have uni problems, refecs to eat cheaper food at and employ students at better than average wages, the whole sporting complex is subsidised by the union so byebye cheap swims and classes, the cinema and other shops are union subsidised too.... not to mention the whole fucking union complex itself and its workers. Ah! Its so fucked, and byebye womens room (and all the other much needed collectives for queer, environmental and indigenous issues) and clubs and socs too... fuck.
Oh, and did i fail to mention the super racism? You gotta love those riots.

I cant believe I stood up for Australia overseas, i cant believe i told people i italy i would much rather live in australia because of its politics, because its more relaxed and less fucked.
Take me back to my snow, my friends, cool political shows and my tranquil peaceful village in the mountains. If only the country wasnt run by someone who owns half of the media and is the richest man in italy... sigh

mum and papa have left and michael and I have this huge house to ourselves. Its getting quite cold, we are lighting the fire everyday.
We went to London a few weeks ago, it was amazing, what an exciting city, we saw the main sights but my fave thing was going to the musical Chigaco, awesome! and wonderwoman was in it :)
In Rovereto they have a pedestrian crossing that instead of a green man to mean walk it has a green woman. Fantastic. Im so proud!
We went for a dolomites day a week ago, beautiful.
This time is passing way to fast, way way too fast.
I am so thankful for this time, this beautiful year. It has been absolutely wonderful. I really cant have asked for more...
except for it to never end...

Yesterday Michael and I went to a harp and pianoaccordian Mozart concert. I felt so fantastically cultured, be careful i may turn into a snob ;)
We went to Florence and it was beautiful, Siena too, so much art and history, so quaint.
We also have been to two dance concerts, one from Bulgaria with fire and it was awesome, at the end we (about 200 of us) all held hands around the peace bell in Rovereto (the biggest ringing bell in the world) and learnt some dance steps.
Weve had Michaels aunty and uncle and cousins stay and that was really nice.
WEve been to see the dinosaur foorprints not too far away and also to the Rovereto War Museum in the castle.
Also been spending lots of time walking, playing cards and sitting near the fire. As well as going out with Fe and Luca.
and as the title sugests, today there is fresh snow on the mountains...
i just wish it didnt have to end in 2 months...

wow time is going by so fast, i cant believe were nearly in september. Our year off is nearing an end.
BUT NOT YET!
There are still fun things to do :)
Michaels bday really really soon, cool, it will be a nice day.
Other than that, weve been hanging with my friends lots (august is the friends month as its when everyone comes up on holidays), weve been to some cool parties, a realllly awesome nightclub, shopping...
walking, parents time, working a little
life can be simple if you want it to be
I am learning

oh and Lady Oscar is on. Fantastic.

we climbed a 2259m mountain! and a 1750m mountain a few days before that. woo! been having fun in the mountains. been to some wicked festa. Me and fe had a ball one saturday nite. the summer is magick!

Operas, free contemporary dances, medieval fayres in castles....
mundane days, walking, swimming, tennis, working
fe and lux our main social outlet
fun in the forrest
the summer is magic
o, and i may have a job fingers crossed

superfast, went to spectacular AIDA the other night and stayed in Verona, very nice, the dancers were sumblime, the music good too. lovely time in the parks. Been here and there. A lot with fe and lux, going for pizza, laghetto etc. helping do work around the house, ive had enough of wood and rooves for an eternity! anyway, gotta run. Nice time, getting warmer, oh! weve been for lots of swims in the pool! sooooo nice and refreshing! gotta go climb a mountain...

Ciao! well im here, in raossi at the mo on the free internet. we have been to Roma, that was nice. Its lovely, i love my mountains and cute little villages and picking wild strawberries and smelling wildflowers. SImple life. Seeing fe and luca is great, brings us back to the normal world, going out, having fun around the town. feel so lucky to be here. i cant believe how quickly the time is passing... too fast...